Mine did this morning, and I thought I was going to hurl. I'm blaming this in part on my having a cold and a stuffy nose.
What a way to start a day! Here's hoping for better luck next time!
- Current Mood: hopeful
I've been gone from here - well posting wise anyways - for a good while, but I think I'm about to make a return. My mom joined Facebook. Gah. I don't feel like I can use that as a forum for my little stress reliever comments through the day anymore, and it's starting to really get to me. I work with my mom, so the walls have ears for any conversation that I have, and now she's all over FB all the time.
This is gonna be a rambling post - apologies in advance.
I am tired. In the past 3 out of 4 weekends, I have traveled 1300-1400 miles each weekend. I am a homebody people! All of this travel is not good for me. My batteries are low, & I am running on fumes.
I want to quit my job, but I feel like I can't. Working for my parents is taking its toll on me.
I feel like a failure as a pet owner in some part. Our cats are "inappropriately eliminating" and I have reached the end of my rope. I have tried all the tricks to solve the problem. My mom has agreed to take them as outside cats - they have no front claws. I feel like I am sentencing them to death.
I am frustrated - oh soooo very frustrated - with my body right now. I have been working with a trainer & watching what I eat for weeks, and I haven't lost a pound. Yes, I have lost inches in some ares, but DAMNIT I need to see the scale take a downward trend. I am tired of always being the fat girl at every gathering that I go to. I am tired of never feeling like I look good. I am ready to just say to hell with it.
I am pretty sure at this point that I am never going to be a mom. There I said it. Colossal failure in that area. David wants so badly to be a dad, and I can't make that happen. We've been trying to adopt since December of 2008, and at this point, I have given up all hope that it will happen. I have better odds of winning the damned lottery at this point.
Sorry for all of this downer crap, but it's all I got right now.
- Current Mood: gloomy
As I am extremely fair skinned and rather covered in moles, I try to watch things carefully and visit the dermatologist on a semi-regular basis.
On September 23rd, I went in for a check-up and to have a mole on my face that I thought was suspicious checked out. The doctor did a shave biopsy of that mole plus one on my back that he thought was also suspect. As usual, I was told that if all was good I'd get a letter in the mail in 7-10 days, but if anything was abnormal they'd call in 4-5 days.
On day 6 the phone rang.
The mole on my back was malignant melanoma.
After the world stopped spinning for a minute, I was able to listen to the doctor. It was Melanoma In Situ - meaning "in place". It is considered Stage 0 - the easiest to treat, and the absolute earliest stage that it can be caught. Treatment involves no chemo or radiation - just an excision of the area to get clear margins. The surgery would be done in office, and I would have a 1.5-2 inch scar on my back.
I was home alone when I got that news - not the ideal. I know that the cancer itself was not that bad, but it's just a little hard to hear, "Mrs. Fuller, I'm afraid I have bad news. The mole on your back is cancerous." when you don't have someone to grab a hold of and lean on for a minute. I called my mom & David's mom while I waited for him to get home from work.
On October 6th I went in, and the doctor excised a larger area. I left with 6 stitches. Ugh.
I've been healing up the past two weeks and dealing with a rather bothersome lifting restriction (8 lbs - no more than a gallon of milk). David has been vigilant in taking care of the incision site as well as doing most if not all of the lifting around the house.
I got a letter about 10 days after the procedure letting me know that they obtained clear margins. Which means that I am currently cancer free.
I now get to go to the dermatologist every 6 months for the next two years for full body check-ups. After that, if I have no more incidences of melanoma, I will go once a year every year for the rest of my life.
I am now much more likely to develop malignant melanoma.
I am now required to be even more hyper-vigilant about sunscreen and skin care.
I am now an advocate for getting yourself checked. If you are fair skinned, have more than 50 moles on your body, or get a lot of sun exposure, GET YOURSELF CHECKED.
My doctor and his nurse were discussing another case as they did my surgery, and I am using it as a cautionary tale for everyone I know. They had a 35-year old male patient who was a police officer and a father of 5 young kids. His melanoma is so far advanced that it has metastasized into his lymph nodes. He has at best a 50% chance of living another 5 years. Don't be this guy - GET YOURSELF CHECKED.
- Current Mood: thankful
So, I'm not sure what was up with yesterday - possibly a lack of sleep! So after a good night's sleep, I feel much better and much mre like myself.
I also decided to follow Julie's advice and take care of myself a little. So on Saturday I scheduled a massage for myself. I've had the gift certificate for it since Christmas, but always felt like I never had the time to go. On Saturday, I am going to enjoy the time just for me - yay! I'll report on how it goes. I'm excited to try something new!
Thanks for being such wonderful friends. You're all blessings in my life, and I need to do a better job of remembering how many blessings I have.
- Current Mood: grateful
Even those of you that I've not met face to face.
Life has been so hectic lately, and I am craving downtime. However, I feel guilty when I take time just for myself - like I should be doing something around the house, working on the baby's room, making that scrapbook, finishing sewing projects, etc etc etc.
I am longing for a long weekend with friends where I have limited responsibilities.
I think I need a vacation from life.
- Current Mood: melancholy
I am waiting for an e-mail and I am obsessively checking for it.
Heaven help me - I need more patience.
- Current Mood: anxious
It's been forfreakingever since I posted, so I'm gonna steal helloheather 's bulleted list post idea.
- Puerto Rico was amazing. I can't wait to go back. Amazing food, wonderful friends, and glorious beach time all made for the perfect vacation. One of the beaches that we went to is rated among the top 10 in the world!
- Had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Wisconsin with my sister's family. Got to meet her new daughter born just 8 days prior to Turkey Day. Sweetest little baby ever!
- Christmas was a whirlwind! My sister's husband got laid off right before the new baby arrived, so they came to Indiana for a whole month - yay! David & I went to NY for a week over NYE, and he got to go see the Colts play in Buffalo.
- Drove home from NY in horrid conditions - the drive out took 10.5 hrs - the drive home took 14+ - ugh.
- Bought a carseat !
- Bought some cute baby clothes!
- Had a great Valentine's Day - David cooked and it was fabulous!
- Scheduled the surgery that I postponed last year for the end of this month. Nothing major - just an outpatient procedure
Though prayers/good thoughts for safe travel would be appreciated. I've never flown by myself & I'm nervous.
- Current Mood: nervous